How To Cope When Parenting Gets Difficult During A Crisis

Coping with this pandemic has become a long, drawn out season of life. Many of us find ourselves exhausted and weary. Our children have became victims to cabin fever long ago and consistency has become more difficult to maintain in our parenting efforts.

I know! I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YOU !

Over the course of the last two weeks this topic has weighed heavy on me. I suspected I needed to seek wisdom and accountability from older wiser women in my life. When I had FOUR of my readers reach out to me over the course of a week asking for advice in this area, I knew this topic was a critical point to hit for my own sake and the sake of other women that are dear to me.

So........ I researched, sought out the wisdom of older mentors in my life, read many books and spent dedicated time in prayer and God's word seeking wisdom. He does promise us that if any of us lack wisdom we should ask and it will be given to us does he not?

Let me begin by saying, take a deep breath..... it likely isn't as bad as it seems. After all, it isn't like you never raised your voice towards your children prior to Covid-19, it just seems HEIGHTENED with this pandemic.

However; And that is a BIG HOWEVER, if you are to the point where you have become a danger to your children, you have become physically or emotionally abusive, it is time to seek help! For the sake of your children and yourself, SEEK HELP!!! You are not a bad mother unless you fail to seek help. Ask a trusted loved one, seek out a woman at a local church, contact a local pregnancy support group for them to point you in the right direction. There are many, many options. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WALK THIS CRISIS ALONE!

With out further adieu, here are 10 keys to cope when parenting get difficult during this crisis.

1-) Maintain these 3 critical areas in check.

DIET - What you put into your body MATTERS! Have you ever heard of the Gut/Brain connection? It's a real thing my friend! What you put into your gut directly affects your brain. If you put junk into your mouth, your gut will be destroyed and mentally and psychologically you will begin to falter and experience elevated stress levels and depression. DIET! IS! EVERYTHING!

EXERCISE - This is the one that I personally fail at most often. Psychology today say it so well, "Regular exercise increases the volume of certain brain regions—in part through better blood supply that improves neuronal health by improving the delivery of oxygen and nutrients."

In short, Exercise brings about the hormones your body needs for optimal mental health.

But what if you have health limitations? ( As do I) Get to walking, exercise does not have to be a work out boot-camp. Get moving by walking laps around the yard! Too hot? Go walk laps around Walmart if you have to! Take a mask if you are a mask wearer! Just get moving!

SLEEP - Along with diet, sleep is EVERYTHING!!! Mama, if you are not getting optimal sleep you hormones will be out of wack, your eating habits will be off and everything else will fall by the wayside.

Tiredness slows down your thought process, rendering you incapable to process a plan of action when the quarreling / disobedience begins. Lack of sleep leads to irritability, anger and lowered ability to cope with stress!!! If you do NOTHING MORE...... SLEEP!

2-) Structure, Structure, Structure.

Maintaining structure and routine in your day is a critical component for both yourself and your children. When everyone knows the general rhythm and structure it gives everyone a sense of normalcy and control. Seek to maintain a general wake time, write out a rhythm or a schedule for your day and seek to have your meals and bed times at the same consistent times daily.

3-) Schedule small 15 minute increments of self-care for yourself through out the day. Even if you begin with two 15 minute sessions and then bump up to 3 or 4 for an optimal way of managing stress.

4-) Humble Yourself.

When you fail, and you will because we all do, humble yourself and extend an apology to your children. Be honest with them ( in limitations of course ) and let them know when you are feeling overwhelmed or tired ( ex. Mommy is so sorry for the way I behaved and raised my voice at you. I have been feeling very tired lately and my flesh got the best of me. Would you please forgive me? Mommies fail too. )

The key with honesty however, is NOT to use it as a means of justifying your poor behavior or adult tantrums but to allow your children to see that you also are human and err.

5-) Learn from it.

The definition of insanity is repeating the same foolish actions and expecting a different outcome! A DIFFERENT OUTCOME WILL NOT HAPPEN! Mama, if you apologize for your behavior but do not actually LEARN from it and make changes where changes need to be made you will relapse and repeat the same adult tantrum all over again. This applies for your children as well.

Discuss through it together and come up with a goal on one thing each of you could do better the next time things get heated.

6-) Be Flexible.

With the uncertainties in life right now things may change at the drop of a dime. Be Flexible! A wise mentor once shared a proverb (* not a biblical proverb). So it goes;

"Blessed are the Flexible for they shall not get bent out of shape".

Wow! Just Wow!

7-) Do not set unrealistic expectations.

This rule will apply for yourself and your children. In fact, if you set your expectations low through this season you will find that when you over achieve you are filled with more gratitude than if you had set your expectations otherwise. Life right now is full of disappointments, do not set yourself up for one more disappointment to add to the list.

If you can achieve Eat, Interact and Sleep then get into the rhythm and let that be your goal for this season. Do not pressure yourself to complete hours on end of e-learning, to lose x amount of weight, to complete x amount of honey do projects. Listen, goals are not bad, but DO NOT set yourself up for failure by over expecting.

8-) Identify your triggers.

This one is critical. There are certain behaviors that your children may perform on a regular basis that are just triggers for you. The moment they do it it pushes that button. Maybe it is quarreling, bickering, tattle telling, whinning during school work, what ever it be....... NIP IT IN THE BUD RIGHT AWAY!!!!

Have a plan in place so that when little Johnny does x,y,z to cause that internal ' trigger ' you instantly follow the PRE-PLANNED procedure for getting your child in order.

Also seek to identify what TIMES OF DAY you and your children are MOST susceptible to having an emotional catastrophe. For us its right after dinner when we are getting the children ready for bed. I affectionately call it the " witching hour ". By this time of day everyone is tired, has a full belly and just wants to sleep. We are all more prone to be short with one another and snappy. We have set a few measures in place to prevent this (no toys out because we are getting ready for bed, soft instrumental music in the back ground to help calm and sooth the minds, an end of the day routine each child has to prepare for the next day, bible reading and prayer.)

9-) Celebrate small victories.

Mamas it is so stinkin' important to celebrate the small victories and affirm our children. If your child obeys affirm them : "Anaiah , I seen you modeling a sharing attitude for your brothers. Well done, you set the pace and the boys followed suite in how they treated one another". Or, "Hey kids, it was a long day and mommy lacked patience but you guys were a wonderful example by extending patience to me when I needed it. Thank you."

Celebrating small victories will foster a thankful heart and intern cultivate more victories ahead. Who doesn't love to celebrate victories?!

10-) AS FOR HELP!!!

I began the blog post with this petition and I am ending it with this petition. Asking for help when you are burned out is critical to your healing as well as the safety of your children. After all, we ARE called to bear one another's burdens so long as it is called today (John 13:34-35.)

Lovely friend, remember this is just a season. Life will not always be this difficult. Tomorrow is a new day and God's mercies are new every morning. Pick a few of these bullet points and make 2 of them your goal moving forward for this week.

I am always cheering you on!

Raquel