The Dangers of Compartmentalizing Your Day As A Mom

Hey There Mama!!! Do you ever feel defeated in your day? As if you never have the ability to get things done?

Here's the reality, we are living in an unrealistic time with our modern culture placing crazy unattainable expectations in our motherhood. Then, when we are unable to meet those expectations, we beat ourselves up with negative self talk, burn out and mom guilt!

The fact of the matter is, different eras in time lived differently and our modern motherhood has fallen into the dangerous trap of compartmentalizing our days as moms into 2 categories.

It's ok friend; I'm guilty also....... lets target these two categories and re-frame our mindset together!

Category #1 : To do list for when the children are asleep or under the care of someone else.

Category #2: To do list for when the children are awake and under my care.

Let's look at some examples of each of these.

Category #1 ( Children are asleep or not present )

- Make phone calls - House Maintenance

- Watch a favorite show - Meal Plan

- Declutter - Spend Time with in The Bible and Prayer

- Take a Shower - Talk to your Spouse

- Pay The Bills - Get a quick workout in

- Fold Laundry - Dust the house

- Iron - Read a book

- Relax - Have my own snack

- Go to appointments - Clean the Kitchen

- Manage a blog - Work a side hustle or job from home

Category #2 ( Children are awake and present )

- Host a playdate - Extracurricular activities

- Feed the children - Play with the children

- Do Crafts - Homeschool or educate

Seriously mama friend! Look at those 2 categories and how unbalanced they are!!!

AM I NOT RIGHT? .........

IS THIS NOT WHAT WE DO? ........

Why are we surprised that we are joyless in our motherhood and burned out when we place the bulk of our responsibilities in the category with the smallest amount of allotted time?

Let's supposed my babies wake at 7 am ( which they often wake around that time ). Then in order for me to get any type of self care done spiritually, which I typically like to do in the mornings, then I have to wake up around 6 am to rush through and be ready before my babies are up and needy. ( category #1 )

The moment their feet hit the ground I am required to switch my brain over to category #2 and enter diaper changing mode, play mode, schooling mode, etc. No time for showering or relaxing!

I watch the clock with eager expectation of 2 pm, when the toddler goes down for his nap. Then, I frantically switch BACK into category #1 to make phone calls and pay bills online before he wakes up again and I have to swap categories.

This is a recipe for mental fatigue at it's finest! Is it not mama?

And how about after the repeated cycle of insanity day in and day out this leads to BITTERNESS.......

BITTERNESS THAT YOU CAN'T GET EVERYTHING DONE!

BITTERNESS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SELF-CARE!

BITTERNESS THAT EVERYONE IN YOUR HOME IS SO NEEDY OF YOU!

BITTER THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND NEVER HAVE TIME TO SIT AND TALK BECAUSE YOUR TOO TIRED AT THE END OF THE DAY! * sigh *

It leads to LACK OF BEING PRESENT..............

YOU CAN'T BE FULLY THERE WHEN YOUR SITTING IN THE FLOOR PLAYING WITH YOUR CHILD BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO GET THE NASTY FLOOR MOPPED!

YOU RUSH THROUGH THE HOMESCHOOL LESSON BECAUSE BABY NEEDS TO BE PUT DOWN AT 2pm SO THAT YOU CAN ATTEND YOUR ZOOM CALL!

It leads to LACK OF SELF-CARE.............

BECAUSE HONESTLY, YOU ARE SO SPENT AT THE END OF THE DAY THAT YOU'D RATHER SLEEP THAN TAKE A BATH OR A SHOWER. * then you are stanky, stank! lol

See the cycle my friend?!

As a result, Que the negative self- talk.

" I am so unorganized with my day. "

" I am a bad mom. "

" I don't know how to play with my children "

" I am too tired to be intimate tonight, I hope he doesn't ask. "

" My house is always a wreck, I stink at homemaking. "

" I seriously have no self-discipline in my life."

When in reality, your are pretty amazing and equipped to rock your motherhood but your structure has set you up for failure.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?!

Friend, we must change our way of thinking and STOP COMPARTMENTALIZING MOTHERHOOD!

This will bring about benefits for both you and your children.... whether they are babies or teens.

You see, when our whole day is structured around our children this elevates them into an unhealthy place and creates in then a sense of narcissism.

Furthermore it , DEHUMANIZES you as a person!

Compartmentalizing says to your children :

" Who, Me? Nooooooo...... my needs don't matter! I'll sacrifice myself on the alter for you in an unhealthy way any day. The whole world revolves around you!"

However, when we integrate them into BOTH of our categories we give them the opportunity to learn along side of us. We teach them with our actions that:

Mommy has needs and feelings also.

Life has boundaries ( ex. they can not touch the wet paint layer you just applied while they were AWAKE. Shocking I know! )

They learn that cleanliness can be enjoyable and beneficial and they are part of a team at making it happen.

They learn that self-care is important and they should do the same when they are older.

They learn that it's important to feed your soul and meet with Jesus.

They learn that there is a time to speak and a time to be silent while you are making calls.

* disclaimer: my children STILL have trouble with this one. I never said it would be easy but with training they will learn. Consistency is key!

So here are 3 practical ways to begin making the shift mama.

1-) HAVE YOU TIME WHILE THEY ARE AWAKE

Maybe begin by ready a book while they play. Take your children with you to a coffee shop and have them do an activity book while you have a latte. Begin scheduling your morning prayer time and bible study while they are awake and set boundaries on them not being allowed to interrupt that time until you are finished. Once you are done invite them over for a bible lesson based on what you learned.

2-) RE-ASSES YOUR COMMITMENTS

Know my friend that you do not have to fill your every waking moment with a commitment on the calendar or a to-do list. Whether it's too many extra curricular activities or too many projects inside the walls of your own home over-scheduling is bad for your mental and emotional health. Evaluate what is on your plate and know that it is OK to say NO.

3-) LET GO OF UNREALISTIC THINKING

It's time to sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself on where your way of thinking has been impacted by an unhealthy and unrealistic culture. Where have you been setting unrealistic expectations on yourself? Where have you been allowing OTHERS to set unrealistic expectations of you?

Identify these pitfalls and remove the way of thinking along with any physical stumbling blocks that may be hindering you ( ex. commitments, toxic relationships, social media etc ).

Mama friend, You are treasured and you are valued! I am just like you! I walk in your shoes daily. I fight these same battles and same pitfalls. Let's make the changes we need to make and move forward towards our joyful and abundant motherhood.